FALLING WITH GRACE

Fall’s here, and I LIKE it. I wake up with new purpose and more viv. Somehow marking the end of summer doesn’t make me sad. It makes me feel more ENERGIZED.

I know I’m not alone here. There was a poll on CBS SUNDAY last week, and many, especially parents, celebrate this season. It centers around a return to school for the kids, cooler weather and all things colorful and good tasting; not necessarily in that order. This year I’ve added the new TV season into my cause for anticipation. I actually look forward to a couple of shows (which is not the usually the case), and they’re all racked and stacked in my DVR list.

WEEDS returned. So I finally sucked it up and subscribed to Showtime to see the series first run, instead of waiting for the freebies on Netflix. I burned through all six seasons that way late last winter. The show’s writers seem particularly skilled at taking stereotypes on a rollercoaster ride through twists and turns. And the actors take it all the way to a ridiculously funny, black tunnel kind of a full tilt boogie.

I wonder, though, if this is the season it “jumps the shark.” My husband uses this phrase to describe a program one season past its prime. It’s a reference to an episode of HAPPY DAYS when you just knew it was over. Fonzie literally jumped a shark. It’s a perfect way to swiftly sum that affliction up.

For me the surprise hit of the season is THE BIG C with Laura Linney. I guess I worked in theater just long enough to feel compelled to search out the good roles and appreciate them when they come around. She’s amazing in this one. I imagine if acting was my craft, I’d die for this role. But that’s just it.

It’s about dying — and knowing it. So this perplexes me.

I watched it last night and found myself completely supporting and celebrating Kathy’s (Linney’s character) erratic behavior; sort of yearning myself to act it out, figuratively or maybe literally. She does and says all the things you think about doing and saying but decide otherwise for a variety of reasons. And I keep wondering, why do we wait until our life is fading fast to let it all out?

I’m not sure. And I’m not sure how my friends who have been through “The big C” or something similar feel about this show. Some of them aren’t here to respond. So I’m left wondering if any of this is valid to their experience. I lost a dear friend a while ago to a very quick and ultimately lethal bout of cancer. I’m not sure she had any time to revel.

We lived overseas at the time. I learned and experienced her illness through e-mail. My husband was deployed, and I’d just had my third child. My baby didn’t yet have a passport. I didn’t make it back, and I really didn’t get to say goodbye. It happened so quickly. I visited her husband and family later that year.

I wonder if my friend Jen had any time to reflect and work it all out, like this character does; ordering just dessert and drinks for dinner. I know she worked on sort of a reference book for her children to remember her by. She also had a hat party when she lost her hair. Jen left life with the same grace by which she lived it. And she planned everything.

My dad’s passing wasn’t so swift, and I’ve come to believe he got lost in this illness. Or we stopped seeing him through it. This I will regret forever. And there are others. Some had no time to reflect, let alone acknowledge the end of their life.

Maybe that’s way I’m so intrigued by the show. It’s a way to remember loved ones lost. I’d like to think they had moments of total, uninhibited release. It also makes me wonder how I might behave, given the same fate.

Of course, if we all tossed our inhibitions to the wind, we’d lose our sense of order. Or would we? And maybe if we just explored this a little now while we're here indefinitely, we’d all feel just a little bit more alive this season, as well as the next...