FOR RICK

There was once a time when the life of a Lieutenant Colonel’s wife was far away from my own. Today I look on as my husband walks through his ceremony and pins on the very rank considered so distant. Wow. We’ve been together a looooonnngggg while.

I kept wondering (out loud) what to get him in recognition for this achievement, and in response from him and my trusted “others” I got a big, “Nothing!” He (I) should be thanking you!”

Really?

On these occasions my husband is quick to pay credit to me and by extension the kids for helping him achieve is accomplishment(s). I think that’s a nice tradition he, and most of the people who walk this path, follow, but I’ve never really fully bought into the idea. I believe it was my husband’s desire, determination and due diligence that got him to this point. He’s good at what he does. He’s one of the best. I believe that. Believing that works for me in many ways, especially when he walks out the door to fly again and again into “denied” and/or “unfriendly” territories around the globe.

But as far as thanking me for helping him to get to this place, I’m not sure I deserve the credits. They’re nice. I appreciate the gesture, but I guess I’m just not comfortable with the premise. I don’t believe I helped him get here. I’m pretty sure he would’ve gotten here with or without me.

If you were to say, “Thanks for helping me to both have a family, while pursuing this unusual path, then I would say, “You’re welcome.” And maybe that’s what he means. Although my husband’s career dominates our lives, it is not my career. I am his true believer, his support and his love, but I do not walk his path. I have not seen what he has seen, nor have I put forth the same efforts. And I’m not that altruistic.

My task is simpler (though often not easier). I am here, while he is there — wherever there may be. I take care of the homestead. I make even the most challenging domiciles feel like ours, and try to thread together consistent elements, which follow us wherever we go. So we each play our part. Mine is a little less exciting than his, right now, but I have my moments.

We chose this fork in the road together. Honestly — the decision was due in no small part to a sunset sailboat ride and some visceral introspection sparked by John Cusack. His “top five” lists in a movie we saw really struck a chord. Rick already was flying for the Air Force National Guard, and he’d tried to go active duty before, but this time was different. We, by now, had children, who we rarely saw, because we both worked. I wanted to jump off what I viewed at the time as a “runaway train” of life and slow things down on the domestic front, but I also wanted my life’s partner to pursue his life’s ambition.

So when people ask me how I stay calm sending him off repeatedly into the wild blue yonder, not knowing where or when he’ll return, I always have the same answer: I believe in his abilities, and I would never forgive myself for holding someone down on the ground, when all they really want to do is to fly. Even in these uncertain times when it is certainly certain he may be in danger at some point. It wouldn’t be a partnership. It wouldn’t be a marriage, and it wouldn’t be a life worth living together.

For that, I guess, I understand why I get thanked at ceremonies — for sharing someone who wants to make a difference, the unique blend of intellect, humor and compassion to do it, and the will to continue. But partnerships are partnerships. I’ll take my turn to fly later…