WIND APPROVAL

I began practicing Bikram Yoga last October. I’d just finished a half marathon, and wanted to unwind. I’d practiced different forms of yoga for years of and on, but never Bikram. I learned about this particular practice a while ago, and thought I’d never take to it; too hot; too claustrophobic. But my neighbor had recently begun going, so I thought I'd give it a go. Despite my initial misgivings, I’ve really come to love it. It takes about 90 minutes to perform 26 postures twice followed by two breathing exercises — this all while in a room of 105 degrees and about 40 percent humidity. It's tough. I've gotten so into attending class, my running now has taken a backseat. Some poses are easier than others. I think that’s why you use the term “practice.” Depending on the day, any number of things could go wrong while in the midst of a posture — like today, for example.

One of the series is called “the wind removing” pose. I never gave this one much thought, in terms of the name or the exercise, because it’s one of the easier positions to negotiate. Then Mr. Jim, my trusted yoga instructor, explained the origination behind it. I think one day he said, “what do you think a bunch of elderly monks in one room doing this pose might call it? Be careful — it works!” Of course I thought, “NEVER.”

You know the thing about “NEVER.” Never say it. Nor think it. Because today during the “wind removing pose,” well, I removed wind — loudly. I viscerally said, “excuse me.” I think — in fact I know — if I were younger I might’ve been mortified. But when it happened today I was slightly humored and I guess a little embarrassed, as well. But ultimately I thought, “It DOES work!”

I thought this was pretty funny, and later told my husband what happened. He often reminds me his humor never matured beyond the age of 13, so I thought he’d get a kick out of it. Fart jokes really never go out of style, and this wasn’t my first, um, experience with being the brunt of this particular gaff. Once when I was in eighth grade; new to a school and feeling very shy, my penny loafer (you know the ones, with the penny?) slipped across the linoleum floor in history class. I distinctly remember it. I was sitting in the back of the room. It sounded EXACTLY like a giant loud WIND REMOVAL. That time I was mortified. I think the entire class of eighth graders knew it was my shoe, except the well-meaning teacher — Mr Buford, history. He went to great lengths to explain in a very serious manner (to these 12-year-olds who were losing it in their seats) about human bodily functions and their natural origin. Now the class was REALLY in hysterics, and all due to my stupid penny loafer. But that was just a sound effect. Today was the real deal.

I guess that’s what age does to us. I laughed to myself moving on to the next posture thinking about the term "human bodily functions," where I first heard it, and how it's followed me all these years … at least something from eighth grade history stuck.