STEADY SAILING

It’s Back to School, chapter 2 — THE NEW YEAR — today. I looked around after the morning rush, with a slow-motion, moving through mud-like quality. This is in sharp contrast to the get up and go feeling I was mentally striving for in my New Year resolve. I conjured a different energy for the past two days in my anticipation.

Actually the kids did really great today. Everyone got up; got ready; got their teeth brushed; all with minimal morning bickering. That, in itself, is a major thing; one to be noted and chalked up as an accomplishment.

I stood at the door and watched my children hold themselves down against the blustering winds that presently whip through East Anglia, England. They are feet-liftingly fierce. (I use plural here, because there has to be more than one wind whirling out there.) They fly about as if there’s a real in-my-face challenge to how serious I was when I penned my page-long goals. which is really the first time I've laid pen to paper in a serious way in quite some time.

I had a difficult time making just one or two good resolutions this year. I have an entire list. I think this must be a direct by-product of “the year after the big move.” Our entire 2011 was dominated by change, both physical location and mental outlook. That’s over now, so time to get busy on some constructive life issues that were shelved or have resulted because of our move.

We all, I argue, are products of our environment, at least in some part. Constant change is the bridge to everything a military family is about. So at least, for us, our surroundings, play a large part in our lives. We live our life sandwiched in between moves. Our achievements are linked together by places and, our military member’s deployment schedule.

It’s easy to lose sight of self in all of this. Self-image, self-actualization, selfishness — you attach the clause, any which one is relevant to the issue.

Some people are in professional fields that bridge nicely, like teaching or nursing. Those fields seem to be largely transportable. Some spouses work in the technology field out of their homes, which is nice, too.

Others — and I seem to fit into this category — have largely left their fields, which leaves them feeling divided. On one hand, you get to reinvent yourself every few years and offer yourself up to whatever your new situation may hold, or focus on family first, which is such a gift. On the other side of the coin, you wonder where you’d be professionally, if only you had the opportunity to, a) live in one place long enough to build your career (again); and b)live in a place which offers you opportunity in your field.

My avocation has become a thread, stitching some fabric of consistency between moves. I began coaching swimming three locations and/or six years ago. Sometimes I get paid; sometimes I don’t. But it keeps me focused on something outside the immediate military sphere. I like that for me and for the kids, although coaching lanes which contain your children poses its own set of issues to overcome.

In addition, military spouse service duties can be smaller or larger, depending on place and time. These range from social to the real work of caring for others. This aspect of our life can be overwhelming at times, when you stop and think that it all exists by virtue of relation, not necessarily a self-driven choice. Some people embrace the opportunity to jump in and roll up their sleeves; others don’t. It’s a personal choice, and one must respect both points of view. The expectations of yourself outside and in, and the tasks involved are, at times, daunting.

Military obligations are a large slice of life, presently. So I resolve to practice balance, and to write more than I have since the move, no matter what the winds of 2012 have in store. It was a relief to see my pre-move blog page still exists and that I can still fill it with words situated in a new place and time. That's a nice bridge.

As with everything on that New Year's list, it's one step at a time; one day at a time. Maybe focus and forward motion don't come with great exuberance and exclamation punctuated by firewords booming at midnight, but instead with steady, studied sailing, sighting the distant light on these windy, ever-changing seas.